Sue Scheff is a nationally acclaimed author, parent advocate, cyber advocate and the founder of teen help organization called Parents Universal Resource Experts, famous as P.U.R.E. Being a mom, Sue had first-hand experience of how addressing teen problems, managing rebel kids and ensuring their safety, at the same time, can be a herculean task.
Following her experience, she took noble initiative to found P.U.R.E., in 2001, an organization which has served more than 20,000 families to manage troubled or out-of-control teens and help parents find out the right programs and schools for their kids. She has also authored two books – Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen, (Health Communications, Inc) and Google Bomb! How the $11.3M Verdict Changed the Way We Use the Internet. These books spread awareness on internet defamation, cyber stalking, cyberbullying, invasion of online privacy and other potential internet security threats and provide effective methods to safeguard against these internet terrors.
She is also a guest author at Huffington Post, featured in more than 500 newspapers and major media channels including Washington Post, 4-Part LA Times Series, CBC Television, MomTalk, NPR, Newsweek, Sun-Sentinel, Forbes, Wall Street Journal, CNN, BBC, AARP, Fox News, USA Today and many more.
In our exclusive interview with Sue Scheff, we endeavor to help both our parent readers and kids to address complex family issues, protect against grave dangers of cyber bullying, cyber stalking, internet defamation and other golden parenting tips.
Hi Sue, congratulations for the success of P.U.R.E. of more than a decade, your books and guidance as a child advocate acclaimed across all major media channels. When did you think that parents would benefit and rely more on online services or resources to solve teen troubles than local entities?
The Internet can be extremely confusing, especially when you are stressed and at your wits end. As a parent many years ago, I ended up getting duped online and making very rash and wrong decisions for my own teenager. My organization is based on my experiences after realizing that no matter how smart you are, when you are emotionally connected to a situation, you are not always thinking clearly – and people can suffer.
I help educate parents overcome their pitfalls and take benefits of residential therapy for teens. Since you are searching for help online, you could be naive toward how deceptive the Internet can be. Salespeople working on commission can manipulate you and convince you that your child may need things that may not be in their best interest. Hence, it is very difficult to distinguish cyber-fact from cyber-fiction. That’s where I try to help.
We give parents launching pads and resources to educate parents about residential therapy, questions to ask schools and programs, and provide helpful hints for researching and reviewing programs.  Since 2001, we have literally helped over 50,000 families and my mantra has been ‘learning from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge’.
How did you conceive the whole idea of founding P.U.R.E. in addressing critical teen issues – what was your vision and mission?
I created P.U.R.E. after undergoing my own personal struggles with my teenager and realizing there wasn’t an organization to help parents. I never found any resource available that would be objective to help me understand what residential therapy was and how to determine if they were accredited, licensed or if they have credentialed staff. As a parent, you might assume that since they made a presence on the Internet with a beautiful website (at the time), sending us glossy brochures, tearful videos with testimonials, and charge hefty for their services – they can be trustworthy. I only wish I had someone to talk to objectively to better understand the reality of this big business.
My initial vision and mission was simply to assist parents with our experiences. Then, we expanded into visiting legitimate programs and schools to give parents sound options and resources as we started gathering first-hand experiences not only from our own, but from many others. It is comforting for parents to know that we have already walked this journey, visited a program or have spoken to those ahead of them.
Did you face any challenge in getting parents to talk about their problems, as many find it difficult in overcoming pride or denial disposition to open up about family problems? How do you encourage parents in communicating hard feelings and seeking professional help?
Not at all – parents feel completely isolated. So, they call us when they have no one to speak to. We are people who understand them because we have walked that path; we know how it feels being a hostage in your own home to your teenager. Parents are so relieved after speaking with us; some of them after over a year of feeling completely alone can actually say that this is the first time someone finally understands them.
In some cases, they stated even their therapist doesn’t understand it. I get that. Sometimes, therapists will put the blame on the parents. In some cases, this may be true, but in others – it’s not. The fact is, that one hour once a week or even twice a week with therapists is not enough to see the real story. The teen can manipulate the entire situation.
By the time parents come to us, they have already been to therapy. Hence, it is more about encouraging them to consider residential therapy. Honestly, I never do that. It is something the parent has to be comfortable with.  I will explain the benefits of it, the difference between residential therapy and therapy at home – and the family has to make that decision.
On what parameters, standards or traits you measure and recommend the right kind of programs and schools to parents?
We believe that each family has unique needs. However, when it comes to schools and programs, you have to review the credentials of their staff, if they are a licensed facility (review that it is in good standing), review their accreditation, double check with your own school district that it will be acceptable when your teen comes back home.
I recommend parents review programs and schools with an ACE factor in mind:
A:Â Academics, secure that the academics are accredited
C: Clinical, be sure that the clinical staff is credentialed so that you may be able to potentially file insurance on your teen’s clinical hours. It is also important in residential therapy, since the clinical component is an imperative part of their emotional growth.
E:Â Enrichment programs, many parents miss this. I encourage families to select schools that have enrichment programs included that stimulate your teenager, whether it is animal assisted, sports, art, music, drama, something outside of school and therapy. Â They need to have extra-curricular activities to motivate them toward a positive direction.
What type of teen problems can be addressed or fixed using P.U.R.E. digital services?
We have a P.U.R.E. Amazon book collection. I am not sure if we have digital services that serve the needs to address teen problems. Our site is mainly directed toward catering to parents wanting to learn more about residential therapy and if it is an option they want to consider.
What form of cyberbullying attacks, kids are most vulnerable to? What online channels are most dangerous for kids, social media or multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPGs) sites or any other particular?
Kids are digitally connected in several ways. However, they are mostly connected through their cell phones since a latest study stated that that 53% of kids are getting their first cell phone at 6 years old.
Online abuse, whether it is in the form of texting, social media networking, gaming, or other platforms such as, chat rooms are all potentially harmful and extremely hurtful to youth. Kids are easy targets since studies have also shown there is a percentage of them that won’t tell an adult when they are being harmed online for a variety of reasons. But, one of the major concerns of kids is the fear of losing access to their devices or when their device is hacked. Parents must understand that their kids’ online access is like their oxygen. It is their life-line.
This is why our kids need to be taught offline about online safety, including cyberbullying awareness skills before they are giving a keypad or an internet-enabled device of any kind.
As a cyber advocate and widely renowned author, what will you advise parents to protect kids against cyberbullying – which type of online resources can help address such online threats?Â
My best advice to parents about preventing cyberbullying, is that offline parenting is the key to making better digital choices and online safety. We must empower our children to be able to ‘click-out‘ when they feel uncomfortable.
According to several studies, including McAfee’s Teens & Screens 2014, a majority of victims don’t tell an adult when they are being harmed online. They fear losing their device (which is their life-line to connect their friends), the humiliation and embarrassment of data leaks on stolen devices, and when their parents make it worse.
Digital parenting must include having daily chats, whether it is mealtime, while driving the car or any time you have time for one-on-one conversation. Whether it is five minutes or twenty minutes, ask them about their social media lives/cyber-lives. Have they met any new virtual friends? Any new picture they would like to share? You can simple start by sharing some of yours with them.
Have they discovered any new apps/sites lately? Maybe you have a new app you need help with. There is nothing wrong with you being the student to your kids in learning or getting a tip or two on using technology. It helps open up dialogue between you and your child in building a bond of trust.
You have to assure your child that you are at a safe place for them to come and share if they are being harassed online, bullied or if they are being scammed. Keeping your lines of communication open is imperative in digital parenting.
Communication is the key to teach online safety and make better choices – and this includes offline too.
STOMP Out Bullying offers a Chat Line to address issues of online threats.
What are the dangers of internet defamation and what potential it has to wreck someone on personal, social and professional level – how to avoid?
Internet defamation can literally destroy lives emotionally and financially. It can take a lifetime to build up your reputation and only in a matter of minutes – keystrokes, to have it ruined. I was in my forty’s when my career was nearly ripped of me due to Internet defamation.
You can avoid it by being alert and aware of your digital footprint. Set up your Google alerts and, maintain your online reputation. Never take your social media networks for granted. Build relationships in your community on a digital level – brand yourself so if you were to hit a stumbling block, like a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe, people will see that you have so many buffers (or what I call cyber-shields) that you have created, then it is pretty understandable. Remember that we will never please everyone.
You need to make everyone happy as long as you are in the business. We, sadly, live in a society of digital cruelty and that’s why it is very important to keep in good terms with your acquaintances who might serve as your cyber-shields and support you when needed.
Engage, interact and participate on social media in a positive way. Never engage with a negative post. It doesn’t mean you can’t agree to disagree with someone, but don’t publicly argue in sensitive matters. You might lose some people and support in the process.
What to do when someone is a victim of internet defamation?
First, I am not a lawyer. You have to determine if it is Internet defamation, and if it is, decide if you are able to afford (both financially and emotionally) the cost of litigation.
Since I have been through this, I know that Internet defamation can be devastating to your life. If you are a victim of it, and have decided to take legal actions, start saving everything from the computer. Print it out. Do not, under any circumstances, respond or engage to your perpetrator. Tell your friends and family not to respond to them. Follow the instructions given by your attorney.
In addition to our guidance on Digital Parenting and Protecting Children through Mizwhiz.com, our parent company, iYogi offers technical assistance on internet security to safeguard our consumers against online scams, frauds, cyberbullying and other attacks – how do you think parents can take benefits of such online solutions?  Â
I often discuss that offline parenting is the key to online safety. Parents need to take the initiative and be proactive to learn as much as they can about social media, online security, identity theft and all things related to cyberspace. As most people know, many time our youth can be more cyber-savvy than adults, which is why offline parenting is imperative.
Parents, for their part, should continue their online education by always increasing their knowledge by being curious and learning all there is to know.
Don’t wait for headlines of a tragedy to learn about or block an app, be proactive now. Be an educated parent – be an interested parent – never stop talking, keep those lines of communication open both offline and online.
Thanks a lot for your time and sharing your valuable ideas, guidance and tips on digital parenting and child safety with us and our readers.
